Emergency use only.

Today, I realised that I no longer wonder. That, truly, I don’t want to know. It is boring. lol.

It is funny. I knew I would get to this point. So I let myself indulge for a while. As I said to C, sometimes, the best way to get through something is to let it burn. Torch it. Fuck it. Sometimes you just need to stop trying to manage your emotions. Until you can manage them again.

The more ridiculous it feels, the better.

Sometimes, if you treat something with thought, with intention, and if that is required to get over something that happened, you’ll never get over it. And if managing it needs too much thought. That thinking makes you never get over it. Stop managing it. Let it get out of control. So out of control, you stop thinking about it. Go wild. And then soon, you’ll look back on it like it was a dream. A wild, crazy, unbelievable. Almost, bucket list, perhaps, actually bucket list, dream.

(Use with caution. Requires great strength and endurance. Pain guaranteed. Survival may feel uncertain, but what choice do you have? so fuck it, survival guaranteed.)