To me, from me, for me. Always.

Today, I am writing a letter to myself. A letter, on a sleepless night.

That I will never jepardise the three pillars of my life: 1. Research 2. Build 3. Travel

These are the pillars that keep me alive. That make life worth living.

I promise myself to focus. To focus on what is ahead. To never forget, but to always move on.

I promise myself that I accept myself. I accept that I will continue to make mistakes. Continue to struggle. And to stand back up again.

Today, she sent me a text. She told me that it’s not good to have highs that are too high or lows that are too low. But what is life without the high highs and the low lows? What is life without the ability to experience them; but also to manage them?

I don’t think that the high highs or the low lows are the root issue. It is the inability the manage them that is. The fear of them. The fear of incoming emotion. I promise myself to feel. To feel everything. But espeically the good. I’ve been through too much not to let myself be happy. I promise myself that I will put my happiness first and foremost in everything I do. Because without that, life becomes dull, and with that dullness to blame on no one but oneself, somehow, we will find ourselves blaming others. Becoming resentful. The things we thought we did for others, will often than not end up unhelpful, and worse, hurtful to ourselves.

Tomorrow, is a new day. Tonight, sleep has been difficult. A lot of thoughts are running through my mind. But perhaps that is the way it is meant to be. The brain connecting the dots. Processing the life it has lived. Not only lived but thrived. So much information it has taken in. Only to be processed. Never to be lost.

I used to force myself into sleep. Shame myself for my sleeplessness. But no, that is not helpful. The brain will do what it needs. So will the body. So will the soul.

Everything in life needs three pillars. Two to stay afloat. And the third to fall back on at all times. But really, it isn’t being fallen on. It is there all along. Perhaps sometimes for better reason than the first two.

I will be happy. Without it, no one gains.