Letter I sent.

I really hope you can be someone whom I can have new experiences with, and I really see you as someone I can do that with, as I know you think in a way that is rare.

I think it’s beautiful to be able to do that outside the constraints of gender and dating. Especially given that I don’t think I want anything serious in the next ten years really, our friendship means more than anything romantic right now to be completely honest with you.

I really hope you can understand where I’m coming from, and perhaps, even see it in the same way. I would be really lucky if you did, but that’s not something I can or should expect of you or anyone.

I’d be really lucky to be able to share our lives together and have a great time. I guess this is also why I was perhaps scared to make things more clear earlier too—and decided to lean into the benefit of the doubt.

And perhaps that makes me a bad person. And for that, I feel terrible. I deeply regret putting your feelings on the line, because no one deserves that. Honestly this is one of the big questions and moral issues I struggle with and hope you can help me resolve. Maybe it is clearer in your head, but it’s certainly not in mine, and I don’t think it’s productive for me to pretend like it is.

I understand this may perhaps be an unconventional way of looking at things, and if it doesn’t fall within your personal ethos, that is totally fair. You have no responsibility to see it in the same way I do.

Either way, I feel extremely lucky for the time we’ve already spent together, the conversations we’ve had, the kindness you’ve shown, and the small things you did which helped me become more comfortable with myself in bigger ways that you can know. For that, I’m already extremely grateful.

—Letter I sent. Because I felt like I could. Perhaps that means something. Perhaps that means a lot.